


The Heart Ignores Logic

by calie15



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Captain America (Movies), Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Developing Relationship, F/M, Feelings, First Kiss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-17
Updated: 2014-08-17
Packaged: 2018-02-13 14:04:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2153397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calie15/pseuds/calie15
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'You have feelings for her. How...pathetic.'</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Heart Ignores Logic

‘You have feelings for her. How…pathetic.’

Jemma waited outside the door, tapping her feet nervously, pacing from wall to wall, biting on her cuticles. The entire time those words played over and over again in her head.

‘How weak.’

Jemma could still see his eyes when he met hers. She wasn’t sure what she saw, but it wasn’t that blank, empty stare she was so used to. There had been something else.

Finally, the door opened, the doctors filed out, and as she peered into the room room she caught a glimpse of Bucky’s bare back.

With a deep inhale she grabbed the door before it shut and pushed her way in, ignoring the curious look from the doctor who passed.

It shut behind her and she didn’t make a sound, and Bucky didn’t turn.

“I know you’re there.”

Stupid assassin abilities, Jemma cursed to herself. “How are you?”

He didn’t turn, instead he moved forward and stopped at a table and began rifling through bag. “Nineteen stitches, no serious damage. The arm is repaired.”

Nineteen stitches was a lot for her, but Jemma figured for him it was nothing. He pulled something from the bag and Jemma watched as he slid his arms through as black and then his head, pulling the snug material down. Jemma licked her lips unintentionally, unable to not notice the play of muscle in his back as he moved. The shirt was sleeveless and left his arms exposed, and she wasn’t sure that was much better. Then he turned to her.

‘You have feelings for her.’

Jemma forced herself to smile at him. “I’m…glad your okay Bucky.”

“Are you okay?”

Yes….no, maybe. The good things was that as smart as she was she could still be foolish, especially when it came to feelings. Foolish enough that it was the words she continued to hear in her that troubled her, not the gun that had been pressed to her temple. “I’m okay.”

Then there was silence. Jemma wished for her lab coat to tuck her hands into. It would have made it less obvious how nervous and fidgety she was.

Then Bucky sighed and slumped slightly. “Look…I’m sorry, I-.”

“No,” Jemma said hurriedly and stepped forward. “It isn’t your fault. It’s theirs. And their…dead.” Dead by Bucky’s hand. Jemma had seen it with her own eyes.

“You shouldn’t have come after me.”

“We had to,” Jemma said gently, wishing he understood his own value. Of course they turned out to not be a lot of help. Some of them were captured, and that included Jemma. From there things just went to hell.

Then there was silence again, awkward terrible silence. “I’ll leave you to it. I’m sure you’d like to get home.” Then she turned reluctantly, already regretting her decision to say nothing of what really troubled her.

“You aren’t going to ask?”

At that Jemma stopped and stared at the door in front of her, releasing a breath. “Do you want me to?”

“No.”

Except he’d brought it up, and there was no going back for Jemma after that, there was no ignoring it. Slowly, she turned to look at him. It struck her as odd that he looked away. The bigger question Jemma had now was ‘why not have her ask?’ “Why not?”

"It shouldn't have happened. He was right, I was weak."

There was something about knowing for a fact that someone had feelings for you that made you brave. When he looked away Jemma stared. "Feelings aren't weak. You saved us."

"Why did you have a gun pointed at your head in the first place?" He snapped, his unsure gaze hardening.

Jemma wasn't really sure how to proceed. It wasn't every day that a former assassin with a long list of issues had feelings for her. Jemma wasn't really the type to attract that kind of person. "You're human Bucky, not a machine. Maybe the Winter Soldier could compartmentalize, but that doesn't mean Bucky is expected to."

Whatever she said bothered him, because his brow drew together and he glanced away again. Then he looked back at her. "Maybe your right, but he's still apart of me. I was him for seventy years, I'll never be Bucky again, I'll never be anything remotely close to normal." He drew in a deep breath. "I can't do this."

"Can't or won't?" Jemma asked, her heart hurting a little more at his statement. To that he said nothing. The man was an emotional disaster. Jemma could have turned away as he wished and found someone much more stable. Nothing would ever be normal with Bucky.

'You have feelings for her.'

Jemma still remembered the way her heart pounded at that statement. 

There was a bit if distance between them and Jemma sighed before she pursed her lips in determination and closed it. Her steps were slow, as if she feared she might scare an animal. That was probably a close description.

To her relief he didn't move, he didn't try to stop her. Jemma stopped in front of him and lifted her arms to wrap around his neck. It might have been awkward, but after a moment he bent down and slid his around her waist, pulling her against his body. Jemma closed her eyes, and when he sighed against her neck she tightened her hold on him. For someone who wanted her to leave his arms were firm around her body.

When his arms did loosen she grimaced slightly, reluctant to let go knowing how he felt about his own feelings. She loosened her own arms, sliding them away slightly, but she didn’t let go, not yet. Instead she let her hands splay across his neck and shoulders.

The scary thing was that she was making either a really good decision or a terrible one as she raised onto her toes, gripping him for support. There was a chance that Bucky was the last man she should have been kissing, that it would be a disaster in the end. There was a chance that the gun to her temple was a warning she should have heeded. Then there was a chance that this was right, that Bucky deserved love like any person and maybe in the end it might turn out okay, that he could sort through some of his issues, be a man that would treat her how she wanted to be treated. Jemma could only hope it would turn out to be the latter.

“Jemma,” he whispered and wrapped his hands around her ribs, stopping her. He clearly struggled. “Don’t do this.”

Knowing how much he cared made her brave, made her reckless. It made her realize that he couldn’t stop her. Bucky was depending on her to make the decision to walk away, Bucky couldn’t. It made her heart pound to think that perhaps he cared so much for her that he couldn’t walk away. The heart didn’t care about logic, even Jemma knew that.

Bucky could have stopped her, but he didn’t. When she kissed him he didn’t pull away. Instead he released a shaky breath against her lips and then a hand slid into her hair and pulled her close. Just like that the wall between them was gone and Bucky was wrapping an arm around her, clutching her hair in his fist and kissing her. The kiss was desperate, hard, fast, needy, and Jemma was drowning in it.

When they finally pulled away they barely parted. His face was still close enough to her own, and he stared down at her, their breath coming in small pants. The important part was that he didn’t let her go. 

There seemed like something should have been said. A lot should have been said. Except Jemma could come up with nothing except, “You look hungry.” 

He stared down at her in confusion. “I’m not-.”

“I should take you home and feed you,” Jemma interrupted and said hurriedly. Then she waited, feeling nervous nervous. He smiled though, the first time she’d seen him smile since she’d been captured. 

“You’re right, I am hungry.”

His smile was small, but Jemma’s wasn’t. His response made her ridiculously giddy, enough that she pressed her lips against his before she pulled away.

By the end of the night nothing really happened. Clothes stayed on and they went no where near her bedroom. She fed him, and maybe she caught him staring at her once in a while as she cooked. There were kisses stolen here and there, but nothing else.

In the morning she woke curled against him on the sofa, his arm wrapped tight around her waist, and confident that everything was going to be okay.


End file.
